I hardly ever talk about my relationships and/or sex life on tumblr. It’s the worst part of me. I ignore words. I ruin friendships. I hurt people. I leave, and I couldn’t care less. Maybe I travel so much so I have an excuse to leave and never stick to anything or anyone. I know that living recklessly hurts people, but I still do it anyway.
Today, I fucked up another thing. It’s the fourth “best friends” thing I fucked up since coming to Colombia. And I’ve only been in this region for 2 months. I don’t understand why all these people care, why all of them have all these feelings. They all get into this knowing I’m going to leave. None of this can possibly last. It’s stupid of them to assume that they are somehow worthy of the thought that they could change my life completely. It’s stupid of them to think that they could be the reason I don’t leave.
I don’t understand why they choose to feel all these feelings for a person who can’t even stay in the same city for 3 months. The thing is, I am fucked up. Feelings should be locked in a safe and thrown in the ocean. It is not a healthy thing to carry around when you’re traveling. I learned that a long, long time ago.
Do I travel because I like leaving, or has traveling made me the kind of person that likes leaving? Sometimes, I wonder if I leave for adventure, or if I leave because I have no reason to stay. Most of the time, though, I know there are many reasons to stay, and I just don’t.